Cars don't talk back

9:54PM - Things I thought about today, but forgot to tweet about (on Twitter)

• The CSM gave me a melted cran-raspberry energy bar from an MRE today. But it was cool.
• I watched The Birdcage on my iPod while I rode the stationary bike for cardio at the gym today.
• My brother was singing to his Ramen noodles.
• Last night it was so hot in my room that I ended up taking off my pajama pants and sleeping in my underwear. Then, I had a bunch of dreams that people were coming in my room and seeing me sleeping in my underwear.
• I woke up at 2:30AM in pain, fell asleep again, woke up again at 5:40AM and remembered (luckily) that I was supposed to open a class.
• I ate an entire bag of frozen fruit at lunch. It was supposed to be a mix of grapes, cherries, strawberries, pineapple and peaches. There was one slice of peach in the entire bag.
• I turned my iPod up really loud when I was running on the treadmill and I got so into a Beyonce song ("Ego," if you were curious) that I had to stop and wonder if I'd been dancing. Wouldn't have been the weirdest thing I've done at the gym.
• I got accepted to Macomb Community College. It's general admission.

These are the types of things I would normally tell Bonnie or Jen and then Steve would overhear and say, "Greeeeeeat story, Katie! Can you tell it again if we have time?"

But that's not going to happen anymore.

And it makes me muy triste.

The End.

Love,
Katie

(in cars)

7:17PM - Just in case there was any doubt of my clumsiness

I just fell at Speedway. The gas station. I fell at the gas station. Here's how it went down:

I, being the genius that you all know and love, decided that putting my socks back on and tying shoelaces was much too strenuous an activity. Oh, the countless seconds it would shave off of my life! So, flip-flops were the obvious answer. Yes. And a hoodie. Because it's cold and rainy.

I proceeded to my car, stopping on the way to inquire about the shenanigans my brother and his friends were up to in the garage (we'll get to that another day.), turned the ignition, and proceeded to Speedway for a bottle of water and a bottle of Gatorade so that I might run a few laps on the treadmill and quiet that little voice in my head that's been screeching, "faaaaataaaaaaass!" for the past three weeks that I haven't ran. Don't judge me! I see you eating those leftover Cadbury eggs, buddy!

I opened the door for a chubby, elderly couple and set my first soggy, foam-soled foot into the fine establishment known as Speedway. Step two? Fine. Step three? Textbook. Step four? Not so great. You see, step four was the first step during which my foot was not on carpet. This was my downfall. Literally.

My left foot swung out from under me and I suddenly found myself sitting on the floor in some sort of Elvis stage sliding split maneuver.

But wait. It gets better!

The woman at the counter then shouted to me, "Oh my god! Are you okay?"

And do you know what I did? Do you know what I did?!

I leapt to my feet, threw both arms in the air as if I'd just landed a spectacular gymnastic jump and shouted (to the woman at the counter as well as a few understandably creeped-out customers), "YES! I'M OKAY! I JUST DID THE SPLITS!"

WHAT?

-Katie

(1 feel safest of all in cars)

9:37PM - This year

Well, so far this year, I have been moderately productive. I've been to Target, folded laundry, made strides in cleaning my room aaaaand showered. I know, I know: How do I find the time?

I've also had my first alcoholic beverage(s), gotten my ass handed to me by a co-worker's six-year-old son at Wii Tennis, eaten Chinese food and been to Starbucks, but none of those things count because Jesus wasn't looking. So there!

Anyway, the real reason that I'm blogging (Though I'm not sure I'd call this legitimate "blogging." It's more like web journaling. "Bournaling?" Whatever. You get the idea.) is simply because I a. want to brag about being able to see the floor in the corner of the room, b. I haven't been on here in a while, c. I won't have time to do so in another few weeks when school starts again, and d. I want to share with you, dear Internet, a list of my nicknames, not only because they are amusing to me and I want to share, but also because I need to write them all down and organize them. So, uh...here you go:

Kathleen Margaret Cole's List of Nicknames (Organized by Nickname Origin):
Mom:

• Possum Baby (often shortened to "Possum" and/or exclaimed, "Possum-Possum-Possum!" at the end of emails sent to my work email address.)
• Katie Frog Legs (usually used in public, in front of boys, or in similar social situations)

Pat:

• Keki (my name in Hawaiian as written on my mug from the ABC Store in Waikiki)
• Gay (My brother loves me...no, really.)

Kelly:

• Hypocrit
• Gaywad

Jenny:

• Katie Maggie
• The Maggster (based upon the above)
• Scarlett (what I would've been named if my father didn't get his way)

Work People (Mostly Work Boys):

• Junior XO
• Boots
• Short Answer
• Freebreeze (like Febreze...but different)
• Munchkin
• Kathleen (like my first name, but spat out more than spoken and filled with more disgust)
• Mouse

I may have missed some, but screw it. I'm tired and I have to work in the morning.

Love,
Katie

(in cars)

10:31PM - In some ways you're just like all your friends, but onstage you're a star

Talking with AJ yesterday:

"Don't try to hide it, AJ. You love Hannah Montana. It's only natural."
"No, I hate her. I hate her stupid teeth, her pedophile dad, her hick accent, and the double life thing."
"But, she's got the best of both worlds!"
"...That's one of her songs, isn't it?"
"...Yes."

Love,
Katie

(1 feel safest of all in cars)

7:49PM - :)

Uh oh
There you go again
Talking cinematic
Yeah you
You're charming
You got everybody starstruck
I know, how you always seem to go,
For the obvious,
Instead of me
But get a ticket and you'll see

If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with
In the end
We'd be laughin'
Watchin' the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play that happy song
(Yeah)

Yeah, yeah
When you call me
I can hear it in your voice
Oh sure, wanna see me and tell me all about her
La, La
I'll be actin' through my tears
Guess you'll never know
That I should win an Oscar for this scene I'm in

If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with
In the end
We'd be laughin'
Watchin' the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play that happy song

Wish I could tell you there's a twist
Some kind of hero in disguise
And were together, it's for real, now playin'
Wish I could tell you there's a kiss
Like somethin' more than in my mind
I see it
Could be amazing (Could be amazing)

(If we were a movie)If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy (right guy)
And I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with
In the end
We'd be laughin'
Watchin' the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play that happy song

(If we were a movie)
If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with
In the end
We'd be laughin'
Watchin' the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play the happy song

(in cars)

8:54PM - Remember when?

Hey, Katie.

Remember July?
Remember life without school?
Remember going to bed at night smiling?
Remember loving every day, even Mondays?
Remember the newfound freedom of a messy breakup?
Remember spending every weekend at your best friend's house?
Remember music seeming like a whole new world all of a sudden?
Remember life before Joe?
Remember life before Jay?
Remember when there was hope?
Remember life before serial dating?
Remember falling in love and realizing that you'd never felt like this about Bert? Or anyone for that matter?
Remember new friends and old friends and feeling like they all loved you back?

Well, I've got something to tell you:

Yeah, you're still in love. And you probably will be for the rest of your life. And dating replacement boys won't do anything but hurt you and them and distract you for a few weeks.
And those new friends? Well, now they're even better friends. And they probably care about you more than you think.
That messy breakup? It's in the past. And you're still free and never have to look back.
School will be over soon. And you can look forward to weekdays again because work is still fun.
And soon you'll see Katie again. Maybe not as much as you'd like. But you will.
With each day, your hope waxes and wanes. But you deserve to be happy.

So, Katie. I want you to think for yourself. Embrace your ever-growing confidence. Do what makes you happy. Be around people that make you happy. And don't waste your time on things and people that don't.

Love,
Katie

(in cars)

5:13PM - I just...

If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz

Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now

And baby that’s a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Cause you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours on end
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn’t healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all

Baby there’s a lot that I miss
In case I’m wrong

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

If I should be so bold
I’d ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I’ve longed to be your man
But I never said I would
I guess I’m gonna miss my chance again

All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
I think it might kill me

And all I really want from you is to feel me
It’s a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me

(in cars)

7:16PM - What everyone oughta know about me

  My name is Katie. Actually, it's Kathleen Margaret. But Katie is better.

• I'm always afraid that people are being insincere with me because I've trusted too easily before and gotten burned.
• I don't care what other girls think of me.
• I care too much what some boys think of me.
• I don't hide my feelings well.
• I get really jealous.
• I'm short.
• I have tiny, baby-esque hands.
• I'm probably about 40 pounds heavier than is attractive.
• I have days where I'm much more confident than I should be.
• I can't focus and my stories often veer off in different directions until nobody can remember what I was talking about in the first place.
• I'm online too much.
• I procrastinate.
• I don't as much about school as I'd like to because it's not where I want to be.
• I have no friends that consider me their best friend.
• I wasted a year and seven months of my life with a boy who loved me too much and then hurt him because I felt it was wrong to lead him on.
• I realized after I'd broken up with him that I'd had depression while we were dating and now it was gone.
• I'm impatient.
• I tend to scare boys away.
• I hurt easily.
• I get low self-confidence sometimes.
• I don't do enough for myself.
• I'm indecisive and change my mind a lot which often leads people to assume I'm a hypocrite.

I have my flaws. But guess what else:

• I'm a great friend.
• I'm honest.
• I'm loyal.
• I give people second chances, sometimes when they don't deserve them.
• I'm hardworking (if I'm doing something I love.).
• I can make you laugh.
• I'm cute.
• I have good hair and I know how to use it.
• I can hang with the boys without being awkward and out of place.
• I can dress for my body without looking like a fat kid in normal people's clothing or without wearing tents.
• I'm nice to strangers.
• I can sing reasonably well.
• I physically cannot lie. I have no poker face.
• I don't pretend to like people; they know if I dislike them and if I act like I like people, I genuinely do.
• I'm quick with the sarcasm.
• I can keep a conversation going, and interesting, even if I'm the only one talking.
• I don't need to drink, smoke or do drugs to be interesting or cool.
• I like myself.
• I can walk in heels without breaking an ankle or stumbling around like a kid in mommy's shoes.
• I'll go out of my way for others.
• I have a good sense of humor and can laugh at myself.
• I like to paint even though I'll never be Da Vinci.
• I can write.
• I'm going to be a chef someday.
• I rock at Halloween costumes.
• I don't really know where I stand religiously, but I can at least be confident in the fact that I live a good life and I am a good person.

So, you know what? Maybe I'm not good enough for you people.

Maybe I'm not a blip on your radar and it's okay to ditch me and walk all over me because hey, it's no secret that I'll let you.

But I am worth your time. And I deserve better.

Love,
Katie

(1 feel safest of all in cars)

10:04PM - Short people got no reason to live

You know, I love that song. It makes me laugh. Like a dork. Out loud. All snort-y and such. 

I am 5'3". I am short. I know this and I accept it. I embrace it. Who needs to be tall anyway? Seeing over stuff. Reaching junk without a chair. It's overrated.

So that's why I can appreciate the frequent short jokes. Because I can laugh at my own deficiencies. I mean, everyone else is so I might as well join!

Today I was lollygagging around the office because my website was down and I therefore could not build the very last new user account that I had on hand. I wandered over to talk to Jennifer. Chris joined and soon enough, Mike came over to see what we were up to (and to keep an eye on Jeffrey as he configured the new computer, that wily contractor). After a few minutes, Mike became engrossed in what Jeff was doing and Chris followed. Jennifer decided to do some real work, so I shimmied out of the way and decided to check out what the boys were up to.
(Now, Internet. Let me please take a moment of your time before continuing the story to mention the fact that I spend all day ragging on poor Young Jeffrey because of his contractor status. Because as a DoD employee, it is my obligation to do so. It just makes sense. Besides, the boy knows it is all in fun. Anyway, back to the story.)

As I approached the cubicle, I decided to announce my presence: "What's going on over here?" I asked. All adorable and such. Because I am. And Young Jeffrey, The Contractor, the subject of my continuous ridicule, turned around in his desk chair, looked me in the eyes and with a straight face said, "Excuse me. This is big kid stuff."

I've never been so proud of him.

Love,
Katie

(in cars)

10:10PM - Totally Justified

So sometimes I feel like I like my friends a lot more than they like me. I don't ever get annoyed by anything they do and I always think they're funny. But I feel like I'm getting on their nerves.


And I'm starting to think it's true.


I don't think two out of the three people I consider my "best" friends like me anymore. They won't answer my calls, texts, voicemails, messages, comments, ANYTHING! And the one that is answering, I feel like he's doing it out of obligation.


That's cool I guess. Maybe someday I'll finally meet someone I can trust.


I'm getting tired. I've spent my entire life trying to find my best friend. And every time I think I've found one, I haven't.


Oh, well. It's time to focus on school and work anyway.


I don't have time for you guys either.


Love & Sarcasm ♥,
Katie

(1 feel safest of all in cars)

8:56PM - How I live my life

 "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever, is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.
"
[Philippians 4:8].


"Life's what you make it so let's make it rock.
"
-Hannah Montana

"When the world says give up, hope whispers, try one more time.
"

"What's meant to be will always find a way.
"

Sometimes I realize things.
Today, I realized this:

-I am a pretty girl. Intelligent, with good common sense and strong morals.


-I finally love myself enough to accept that other people can love me too.


-I have the power to be what I want to be.
Look at how far I've already come!

-I've always been told that I can be whatever I want to be when I grow up. And you know what? When I grow up, I want to be just like I am now.


Love,
Katie

(in cars)

6:34PM - Hilarious

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(in cars)

9:34PM - I had a weird day

It wasn't necessarily bad. And if it were any other day, I'd be gushing that Boy of My Dreams had bestowed upon me a smile and some sass.

But instead I was trying not to fall on my face when the ground decided to swoop underneath my feet. This is lame.

And I called Dr. Brennan, but apparently they don't take new patients in emergency situations and suggested the effing Not-So-Urgent Care Clinic on 15 and Utica. Thanks anyway, but I have work tomorrow and even if I went straight from work, I probably wouldn't get home until 2 am in that jacked-up joint.

Running makes me feel better. Endorphins make me smile and so do the little kids I pass on their bikes. And my running playlist pumps me up. Plus, then I can justify eating half a tub of guacamole on Saturday.

I feel good right now.

I just wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Love,
Katie

Open up your eyes take a look at me
Get the picture fixed in your memory
I've been driven by the rhythm like the beat of a heart
And I won't stop until I start to stand up

Some people settle for the typical thing
Livin' all their lives waitin' in the wings
It ain't a question of 'if', just a matter of time
Before I move to the front of the line

And once you're watching ev'ry move that I make
Ya gotta believe that I got what it takes

To stand out
Above the crowd
Even if I gotta shout out loud
'Til mine is the only face you see
Gonna stand out
'Til you notice me

If the squeaky wheel's always gettin' the grease
I'm totally devoted to disturbing the peace
And I'll do it all again, when I get it done
Until I become your number one

No method to the madness and no means of escape
Gonna break every rule I'll bend them all out of shape
It ain't a question of 'how', just a matter of when
You get the message that I'm trying to send

I'm under a spell, I'm in over my head
And you know I'm going all of the way 'til the end

To stand out
Above the crowd
Even if I gotta shout out loud
'Til mine is the only face you see
Gonna stand out
'Til you notice me, yeah

If I could make you stop and take a look at me instead of just
Walkin by...
There's nothin' that I wouldn't do if it was gettin' you to notice
I'm alive...

All I need is half a chance, a second thought, a second glance'll prove
I got whatever it takes...
...It's a piece of cake

To stand out
Above the crowd
Even if I gotta shout out loud
'Til mine is the only face you see
Gonna, stand out
Stand out, hey!
Stand out
(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)
Stand out
(Hmph)
'Til mine is the only face you see
Gonna stand out
'Til you notice me

(in cars)

6:15PM - Oh My God!

Kwame made Perez Hilton. I love it!

Can we just impeach that loser already?

Love,
Katie

(in cars)

10:31PM - These Are My Confessions

Once I messed something up on purpose just so you'd have to come over and help me fix it.


Sometimes I go get a bottle of water out of the fridge just to look at the back of your head.


I ignore you when you come in on purpose just to see if you'll try to get my attention.


I haven't had a dream without you in it in at least a month.


Sometimes I wanna tell people I like you so they'll tell you, but I never do.


I get jealous when you bring him with you instead of me.


I'm really afraid of you rejecting me...or that you'll think I'm a creepy stalker.


My life would be a lot easier if I didn't like you, but it would also be a lot duller and nowhere near as thrilling and happy.


I think I'm falling in love with you and it scares me.


Love,
Katie♥

(in cars)

9:54AM - Prankster

The boys at work are all insisting that I am mean to them, so I challenge Chris. "Give me an example! What have I done to you that's so mean?"

He smiles and without saying anything, picks up the red mini Swingline stapler that I encased in Jell-O.

"Oh no," I say, "You can't count that! I gave that to you! It was a gift!"

He smiles again, puts down the stapler and picks up the new box of Jell-O I bought him and raises it high above his head in triumph.

But I shoot down this victory and shout, "No way! I bought that for you because you were all sad that I gave you an empty box and you don't have food in your apartment!"

He laughs this time, turns to his desk and thrusts his fist in the air. A fist that clutches both the stapler and the Jell-O obviously indicating the now infamous Stapler in Jell-O incident:


I laugh. And he sits there waiting for a response, fist still pumped in victory and smug smile across his face.

"Well," I start, "I mean, that...was funny."

Love,
Katie
 

(in cars)

4:26PM - Today's Disses

• I called Jess to ask her to go shopping and to dinner with me. She called back and left a voicemail saying she couldn't because she has to go with her fat, stupid boyfriend to get his ingrown toenail removed. She'd rather do that?
• Mike Hicks' kids didn't wanna play with me.

And I'm still surprisingly upbeat.

Life's good.

Love,
Katie

P.S. He looked pretty nice in normal clothes today.

(in cars)

5:59PM - He's a mean man, but he's my man

Ha, I wish!

Anyway, highlights of my day as follows:

• The smile he smiled when I reached over and hit the key before he did.
• Upon seeing Kea in the hallway, I shouted, "Hey Toby!" to which she replied, "Shh! Not in public!" which made me laugh.
• The fact that although they hurt, aren't much use anymore, and probably will never be the same again, at least I still have feet.
• The newfound knowledge that my shoes, although so cute, were not made for the TARDEC tour I had to co-facilitate.
• The fact that I got to spend all morning with him.
• Typical text message exchange with Jess:
• Jess: Mama always said life is like a box of cgocklate.
• Me: You misspelled chocolate.
• Knowing that Doug liked his spork present and the fact that I wrapped it in and made a bow out of loosleaf paper.
• Knowing tomorrow is Org Day and I get to wear a t-shirt to work.
• Knowing that Friday I get to be Substitute Barb again and will have all kinds of visitors which always makes me excited.
• B-dubs Friday for lunch!

Love,
Katie

I swear to tell the truth
And nothing but the truth
Loving him ain’t easy
He’s bad bad news, yeah
Mama say “Use your head
You don’t need him
Look at all the shit he put you through”
Papa curse “Baby girl if you don’t leave him
There’s nothing I can do for you
There’s nothing I can do”

He’s a mean man, but he’s my man
My man alone
He’s a mean mean one
A son of a gun
He keeps me by the telephone
He’s a mean man, my man, my man alone

Na na nan na (He’s my man)
Na na nan na (My mean man)
Na na nan na

He likes to mess around
He’s always in a mess
Likes to have a drink or two
Before he downs the rest, yeah
Knock knock six o’clock in the morning
Baby I’ve been missing you
He comes and goes without a warning
Doing what he do hmm
Doing what he do

He’s a mean man, but he’s my man
My man alone
He’s a mean mean one
A son of a gun
He keeps me by the telephone
He’s a mean man, my man, my man alone

Na na nan na (he’s my man)
Na na nan na (my mean man)

He lies and he cheats
He loves and he leaves
That’s just the way it goes
But I do what I can
I stand by my man
I think he loves me
I think he knows
(Na na nan na)
Yeah, I think he knows
(Na na nan na)
woo-hoo, yeah

He’s a mean man, but he’s my man
My man alone (and he knows that)
He’s a mean mean one
A son of a gun
He keeps me by the telephone
He’s a mean man, my man
My man alone
He’s a mean man, my man
My man, my man alone

(in cars)

11:32PM - You think you know, but you have no idea

I feel stupid and naive for telling you too much too soon. And for trusting you just because I like you. The truth is, I've been avoiding you because I don't want the others to pick up on the fact that I like you. But it's too soon to tell you that, so I'll just hope you read this and know.


And I know that the rest of you think that I like someone else just because I hang out with him. I know because as soon as I walked past you, you all stopped talking. But we just get along really well. Just because I'm a girl and he's a boy, doesn't mean we can't be friends.

I also feel stupid for thinking you guys liked me. Actually, with a few of you, I still can't tell whether you do or not. I know for sure one person doesn't because I've been deleted. But everyone else acts like they like me sometimes and then acts cold at other times.



And back to you. All I really want is for you to like me. And I want to ask you for your phone number so bad, but I'm afraid you'll think I'm weird or that I'll text you too much and you'll get annoyed with me/think I'm crazy/hate me. And you're constantly crushing my ego and turning me down. But I'm an optimistic person and my mind keeps telling me not to give up. Even though I probably should. But why give up on something I want?

Isn't it time I thought about me for once?

I'm just...confused tonight.


Love,
Katie

(in cars)

6:05PM - Superheroes

So Doug and I had a half hour conversation about superheroes and how Ironman was cool, but he didn't have superpowers, he just used technology to make himself a suit that could crush things and fight.

As my last parting statement I said, "Well, if Batman and Ironman can use technology and still be superheroes, then since we all have the use of technology, aren't we all superheroes? I will leave you with that."

As I walked away, nearly reaching my desk, I heard him yell out, "But…do you have a suit?"

I fricken' love work.

Katie

(1 feel safest of all in cars)